Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
