It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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