He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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