whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
