Tell her she can't have a vagina
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize