So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
