your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
