you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
