Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
