things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
