she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
