Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
