I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
