I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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