I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize