I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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