i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
being pregnant is like rehab
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
