you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
