worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
