I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
