He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
