Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize