The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my sisters under your porch take her home
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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