I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
