you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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