I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
