A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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