we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up under a house in Key West
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
