4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
