FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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