He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize