I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
