how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
