Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
