all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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