It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize