I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
