My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
