The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
