I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
