The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
