If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
