It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize