How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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