Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
