We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
