i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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