The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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