I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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