He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
