T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
