I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
