Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
