Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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