He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
