I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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