My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
