I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
