idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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