similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
