Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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