Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
