Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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