Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize