Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
