Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
