I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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