I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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