i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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