just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
