so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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