She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got inside last night via doggy door
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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