Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
