Pants 0. Shit 1.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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