I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
