I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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