I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
