I'm really into asian looking animals
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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