Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
