we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
