so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
