it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
