I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
