I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize