i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
