it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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