Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
