I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
