3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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