i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
