I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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