Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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