I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
