Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize