...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize