I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
