Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she told me i tasted like america
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
