He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
