Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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