I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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