things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
