yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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