Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
