I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
