A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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