I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
