Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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